Unavailable men

So I just read an article about why women are attracted to unavailable men or "Bad Boys." It was total bullshit. First of all, it was written by a man, which explains the bullshitness (apparently I'm creating a word tonight). How in the hell does a man think he knows why women do anything? Until you have lived in this world, this particular society, as a woman, with all of the pressures and images of women we are supposed to live up to, you absolutely cannot discuss why women do anything.

"So, Steph," you ask, "Why ARE women attracted to unavailable men?" Being one of these women, myself, I will tell you.

Because if he is unavailable we can say to others and tell ourselves that his unavailability is the reason he is not with us. If he's a bad boy then we say it's his "issues" that are the reason. He won't commit, he has trust issues, etc. It lays the blame squarely on him. Why do we need a reason to blame him? Because secretly we know in our souls that we are not really good enough, pretty enough, thin enough... worthy to date, period. So if we choose someone we can't have permanently then we don't have to face the fact that we feel unworthy, we just blame the men in our lives for being unworthy.

The question is not why do we choose unavailable men, the question is why don't we feel good enough to date the good guys. Good guys take care of us, and want to be good to us. We don't feel like we deserve that.

So, why don't we feel like we deserve it? If I had to guess I'd say because none of us look like Kate Moss or Claudia Schiffer or Naomi Campbell. We don't recognize, on a fundamental level, that Kate, Claudia, and Naomi don't really look like that either, we just see that we don't look like their picture in Cosmo so there must be something lacking in us fundamentally. Now pair that with a crappy home life and you've got real issues.

So if you are male, and are interested in a woman who considers you "just a friend" realize that she doesn't love herself so she will never be able to believe that she is worthy of your adoration. Love yourself enough to move on to someone else who can love you.

If you are female, and always find yourself interested in that guy friend who is not into "your type" or that guy in the leather jacket who treats you like shit, but can be so sweet when it's just the two of you -- you deserve better. You don't have to look like a model -- they get airbrushed. Coming from a woman who has more men friends than women friends I will tell you that guys like women who are confident and real. Be true to yourself, love who you are, and they will swarm to you like bees to honey.

Men want someone they can cuddle up to (though they won't admit it), not someone who will break when they hold them close.

Note: I did NOT have a crappy homelife. I was blessed with wonderful parents who did a wonderful job with my sister an I. I, however, have weight issues, which explains my men issues. :)