Sunday, August 29, 2010

Hangin in there...

So after a weekend of reflection and a lovely dinner in Indy with my parents, I've de-stressed as much as possible knowing I have to work tomorrow. 

So, with that in mind and a delightful book on my night stand.. I'm looking for ways out of my rut.  I need some laughter, liquor, and fun.  Since I doubt I'll be in the position to get either of them any time soon, I think I need to clean and rearrange my office... I need a new perspective.

Wish me luck.  Feng Shui, HERE I COME!!

If you have any ideas on how to implement a decent water element into an office that is extremely low maintenance -  I'm open to suggestions!!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I just don't have the ability to understand...

I just don't understand people any more.  My world is not making sense.

If you know me, then you know I'm a good person.  Somewhat opinionated.  Somewhat radical in my thinking.  Somewhat outspoken.  Somewhat shy. Somewhat sarcastic.  Somewhat in love with my dog.  Sometimes curt in my communication.  Sometimes grumpy.  Sometimes (especially lately) stressed out.  But If you know me and have known me for a good while then you should know I'm never deliberately mean, never hateful, never hurtful, and am always willing to fight for someone Else's rights and speak up for anyone without a voice.  I'll admit that I can be somewhat thoughtless sometime, but it's never intentional and I'd say that anyone (EVERYONE) who knows me well knows that I have good intentions and if I hurt someone it would never EVER be on purpose.

So knowing this, why would you just make the random assumption that I have anything other than the best of intentions when I make a decision that affects you?  Why would you just assume that I'm not sticking up for you when I stick up for EVERYONE ELSE?  Why would you assume that I'm just going to do what I want without regard for anyone else?  Why would you think that because I wore a different shirt than you that I'm trying to be better than you?  Why in the hell, when I've worked my ass off for two years to make things better for EVERYONE and have spent COUNTLESS hours of my personal time meeting with people to figure out what they need from me and from this department and fighting for YOUR rights, would you assume I'm doing anything other than what is best for the greater good?  Do you think that I might possibly have more information than you when making my decisions?  That maybe instead of pouting about what you perceive to be my intentions, you should ASK me for clarification?

We did an entire DAY OF TRAINING about making sure you never ASSUME you know what someone Else's intentions are.  That you can't possibly KNOW unless you ASK because you come from a different place than the other person.  That the best way to deal with an issue is to realize that there are two sides to EVERY story and BOTH are right.  What you have to do is ASK QUESTIONS and LISTEN?  Why, when you BOTH have taught that same material, are you not using that when it comes to me.  ME -- who has been on your side EVERY TIME for the past two years... who has fought countless battles on your behalf and continues to do so even though you don't see it or don't pay attention enough to see it...

I simply do not have the ability to understand this.  I've tried and there is nothing in me that understands this on any level.. I simply do not have the mental capability to understand this.

It makes me sad.

It makes me hate my job.

It makes me tired... really really tired...

It makes me reconsider my career choices because obviously I'm not effective at what I'm doing.

It makes my head hurt.

It makes me lose faith in you.

It makes me question my judgment..

It makes me want to quit my job and move on...

But I will do none of those things.

I will pick myself up.

Dust myself off.

And continue on my path.

Because that's what I do.

I'm all I've got, so I've got to pay the bills, ay??  My puppy needs to eat (Me.. ehh I could skip a few meals).

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Three Day Move In

So, whomever had the idea to make Res Hall move in a three day process is a moron... oh wait.. I'm pretty sure I was in on that decision.. -- OK I'M A MORON!!

I theory it's an awesome idea.  Cuts down on lines, for the elevators, cuts down on wait time for carts... so awesome idea.. parents are happier and get to spend more time with their student instead of moving stuff... so awesome idea.

Um but what about the staff who have to work the three day move in -- namely ME.  This sucks!!  I woke up angry this morning because I had to work.  IT'S SUNDAY!!!!!  I haven't had a weekend off in FOUR WEEKS!!!!!

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OK, so mid-sentence one of our grads, Dan calmly walked by my office says "Hey Steph" while he was very casually dragging Kasie (another grad) down the hall on top of his rolling suitcase.  Ah hahahaha

Back Story: Yesterday when we were coming back from lunch we saw a little kid riding on the back of a suitcase like that while his dad pulled him.  He was like 3, and Kasie asked Dan if he'd pull her across campus like that.  I bet them to do it with one of my famous (in my head at least) $5 bets.  They did it!! :)

Am in a better mood!! :)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Touching Moments...

I saw one of those rare touching moments yesterday... the kind that make you feel like a voyeur of life...

It's move in weekend.  It's that wonderful time of year where people who work in colleges and universities across the nation get fresh faces eager to learn.  Our lives are reaffirmed each year with a new batch of kids.  Most are wonderful and are eager sponges ready to soak up any knowledge we can throw their way... we won't talk about the rest -- this is a happy post.

Anyway, so yesterday was our first move in day.  At the end of the day, as I was leaving work (close to 7pm) I was stopped at a stop light and right beside me on the sidewalk was clearly a family saying bye to their daughter on her first day of college.  As I pulled up I saw two women hugging and two men standing there looking uncomfortable.  As the two women pulled apart it was clear it was a mother/daughter moment with Dad and possibly uncle standing awkwardly to the side not sure how to deal with the tears. 

All I could think was "I need to call my staff to make sure someone meets this poor girl at the door and keeps her from crying in her room. 

I don't know anything about this girl, but I do hope her RA took her under her wing last night.  It was hard to watch.  I remember when I moved in to college the first time and how scary it was.  I remember when my folks left at the end of the day. 

OK now I miss my parents and sister!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Kind word...

So it's amazing what a kind word can do..

Most of us have some kind of meaning in our lives.  We live for our God, or our parents, or to serve others, or even to serve ourselves.  We do a job we see as worthwhile, or did at one point.  We had to justify why we chose that career, whether it was for the outcome of the industry, the people we work for, the people we work with.. there are a variety of reasons why we do our jobs, but we rarely, if ever, realize that dream.

Why do I do what I do?  I have many many reasons and they are all sound: 
  • I'm passionate about education and helping people better themselves
  • I'm passionate about developing responsible citizenship in our future leaders
  • I'm passionate about working with college students and helping them find themselves
  • I'm passionate about training and development in the workplace 
  • I'm passionate about creating educational moments for young adults as they first branch out on their own.
There are more, but I thought I would stop there.  I love my work.  I see the meaning in my career and understand why it's important in the Big Picture.  It is, however, easy to get bogged down in the day to day business that the meaning gets lost for a bit. That's how it's been for me this year.  We've been bogged down in the "Where the hell are we going to put all these people" that I've lost the "How can we help all these people." 

On top of that, I'm really great at forging a new path.  I love to develop and implement new ideas, but once they have been tried and are a success I have no desire to repeat the experience.  I want to develop the ideas my way and then pass them off to someone else to implement.  So even fall workshop this year was a pain the ass.  I didn't enjoy it  like I normally do because while the sessions are perfect, the training model is.  This makes it hard for me to stay focused.  So I checked out for part of training.  Mainly because there are other stresses flowing my way and it's hard to focus on training when I'm getting pushed the other way.  It's also frustrating because I'm the only one who cares about training and I feel like I'm the only one who cares about our staff.  This pisses me off so i try  not to focus on it.

So, needless to say, training has been kind of tough on me this year.  The student staff are amazing and have done a great job at keeping up the positive attitudes and being awesome.  Which is great!  We had our mock graduation today and we made diplomas, which were cool even if I do say so myself.  We had an awesome speaker who was funny AND motivational-- which was so much better than last year.  So it all ended on a great note.  To celebrate the end of training we had a night out at the Student Rec Center for our student staff.  It was there that my entire purpose and life were reaffirmed. 

I was sitting just inside the SRC when one of our student staff sat down beside me.  I never remember conversations word for word, but the gist is here:  She said that she had wanted to talk to me for a while since training started and didn't know if she should just say what she wanted to say or write a note, but she was going to say it now.  She said I was an inspiration to her.  She said she was glad she got to meet me because while she had received emails from me for work, she was excited to meet me.  She said that she truly felt like we care about her and that she finds me an inspiration.  She said that whether I realized it or not, I am an inspiration to a lot of people.  She said that she liked the session when I talked to them about their purpose and that student success is important.  She felt that I really cared about them as individuals and really did care about their success.  She said that because of me she has decided that she wants to go into student affairs and wants to do what I do. 

I'm not going to lie -- I teared up when she was telling me that.  It's not every day you're told that you inspired someone else.  I don't know if any of it is true or if it's just how she's feeling on a training high.. but it was really life affirming and made all the stress of the last two weeks melt away. 

I do love my work. 

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Fast Forward

Well, life is running in fast forward again.  How did it get to be August 15th already?  My desk calendar still says it's July!  I just don't understand how these things happen. 

Been completely focused on the love of my life -- work.  He's a demanding lover and believe me -- he keeps me up all night long. 

Our grad student training began on August 1st.  They seem like a good group.  There are only a couple that I'm worried about.  For the most part they seem like a great group.  They have TONS of energy, which is what we need right now.

Our student staff training started on August 12th.  The funny thing is after day four, people are still making comments like "they have so much more energy.."  Truth:  They had this much energy at the beginning of last year too -- until that douche bag VP we used to have killed it.  This year will be better because he's GONE!! 

Plus we've changed how we're doing some things.  Putting more focus on recognition and creating more meaning in their work than we've don in the past which will help with that energy. 

We opened training by having our entire head staff walk in together and bust right into the "Cupid Shuffle."   It was a lot of fun and by the end we had the entire student staff doing it.  Then the head staff ran out and were announced like basket ball players. :)  It introduced fun into training. 

I also tried out a new training technique that was amazing and I LOVED it.  I gave a hand motion to all of the major points and then had them use the hand motions and teach it to each other.  We kept repeating the motions.  By the end of the session I could do the motion and they would yell out what it meant.  I was extremely excited about it.  Yay!!

So it's going well.  Now if I could just get some sleep...

Monday, August 2, 2010

And it begins...

Well, August 1st was yesterday, do you know what that means?  Yup!  Training started yesterday!  Our grad staff and our professional staff are all back and we did Grad orientation yesterday, went out to dinner, and then went bowling.  Was a good time.  Today we had a day long team building retreat.  I think it went well, people seemed to have fun.

I really REALLY enjoy facilitating team building activities.  I liked designing the retreat, and would LOVE to do it professionally, but am not sure yet, if I'm any good at it. 

Training lasts the next three weeks.  Unfortunately, I'm not really looking forward to it.  I seem to have hit my stress threshold.  Which means that I'm at the point where I don't feel anything at all.  No anticipation, no nervousness, no anxiety, no excitement.. just a blah indifferent feeling. 

I do think we have a good group, but I thought that last year too and they turned into catty whiny babies about two months in.  I just want September 15th to get here.. then I can have some down time.  I will say that I miss Steph Higgins.  She used to keep me sane during training and used to go on sonic runs with me.  It just isn't the same!!!

I hope this isn't an indicator that I need to leave ISU....