I just don't have the ability to understand...

I just don't understand people any more.  My world is not making sense.

If you know me, then you know I'm a good person.  Somewhat opinionated.  Somewhat radical in my thinking.  Somewhat outspoken.  Somewhat shy. Somewhat sarcastic.  Somewhat in love with my dog.  Sometimes curt in my communication.  Sometimes grumpy.  Sometimes (especially lately) stressed out.  But If you know me and have known me for a good while then you should know I'm never deliberately mean, never hateful, never hurtful, and am always willing to fight for someone Else's rights and speak up for anyone without a voice.  I'll admit that I can be somewhat thoughtless sometime, but it's never intentional and I'd say that anyone (EVERYONE) who knows me well knows that I have good intentions and if I hurt someone it would never EVER be on purpose.

So knowing this, why would you just make the random assumption that I have anything other than the best of intentions when I make a decision that affects you?  Why would you just assume that I'm not sticking up for you when I stick up for EVERYONE ELSE?  Why would you assume that I'm just going to do what I want without regard for anyone else?  Why would you think that because I wore a different shirt than you that I'm trying to be better than you?  Why in the hell, when I've worked my ass off for two years to make things better for EVERYONE and have spent COUNTLESS hours of my personal time meeting with people to figure out what they need from me and from this department and fighting for YOUR rights, would you assume I'm doing anything other than what is best for the greater good?  Do you think that I might possibly have more information than you when making my decisions?  That maybe instead of pouting about what you perceive to be my intentions, you should ASK me for clarification?

We did an entire DAY OF TRAINING about making sure you never ASSUME you know what someone Else's intentions are.  That you can't possibly KNOW unless you ASK because you come from a different place than the other person.  That the best way to deal with an issue is to realize that there are two sides to EVERY story and BOTH are right.  What you have to do is ASK QUESTIONS and LISTEN?  Why, when you BOTH have taught that same material, are you not using that when it comes to me.  ME -- who has been on your side EVERY TIME for the past two years... who has fought countless battles on your behalf and continues to do so even though you don't see it or don't pay attention enough to see it...

I simply do not have the ability to understand this.  I've tried and there is nothing in me that understands this on any level.. I simply do not have the mental capability to understand this.

It makes me sad.

It makes me hate my job.

It makes me tired... really really tired...

It makes me reconsider my career choices because obviously I'm not effective at what I'm doing.

It makes my head hurt.

It makes me lose faith in you.

It makes me question my judgment..

It makes me want to quit my job and move on...

But I will do none of those things.

I will pick myself up.

Dust myself off.

And continue on my path.

Because that's what I do.

I'm all I've got, so I've got to pay the bills, ay??  My puppy needs to eat (Me.. ehh I could skip a few meals).