Ongoing Car Saga... and then the door wouldn't close

Sooooooo, I got another call from Saturn yesterday. Apparently they ran a few more tests to make sure it was actually the camshafts and found that the upper part of my engine was not getting oil. Know what happens to engine parts when they are not lubricated with oil? DEATH

So they are not sure exactly what all they would have to replace because they cannot crack open my engine without my permission ( or my warranty companies permission), but they told me they were looking at a close to $3,000 for the repairs to the engine from no oil. Now, before you call me an idiot for letting the car run out of oil -- it didn't. I get my oil changed -- probably not as regularly as I should but I check it regularly so I KNEW it had oil. And the service guy (his name is Earl) said there was plenty of oil in the engine, it just was not getting to the top and they couldn't tell me why unless they cracked it open (it's a sealed engine -- whatever that means). So we are looking at 3,000 for the engine, PLUS the $925 for the timing chain and camshafts... So we're looking at close to $4000 in car repairs. He told me that if it was him, and he didn't know what I still owe on the car, but if it was him he'd look at just getting a new car.

ARG!! My goal for the past six years was to NOT have a car payment... that is why I bought a car instead of leasing it.

Well, I don't owe anything on it, so that's a plus at least I don't have to make payments on a bunk car.

But I still don't have a car. I looked up the Kelly Blue Book price of my car. In fair condition, which with the motor issues, even with low mileage would be the MOST I could get for it, I can get tops $4465, and that's if I can get it running again. I would be able to get at most $2700 in a trade in -- again, only if I can get it running again... So right now I'd put more $ into fixing it that it's worth to me.

So, I will either be carless for the near future OR I will be car shopping. I think this time -- considering I don't drive much and my commute is less than 1 mile round trip -- I'll lease a car if I get one.

So anyway, I get all this fantastic news first thing Monday morning... ruined my day. I'm upset that I can't get my car back. I'm upset that I can't afford the $4000 to get it fixed and I'm upset that even fixed it's worth less than $5,000. Why the heck does anyone buy a car, ever? Having it in the end is not big bargain to me... it's just a mess I have to clean up. But I was pretty upset all day about it... I was just getting to a great place financially and now I'm in the toilet again. I was even looking at cruises and tropical locations so I could actually take a real vacation for the first time in my life... Not going to happen with a car payment again... DAMN IT!

THEN after this depressing day I get home... Jess ran me to the grocery store so we walk in with a few bags of groceries and go to close the door and it won't close.. it was stuck on my draft stopper so I get it un-stuck and go to close it and it won't close all the way. I do everything I can to figure it out and cannot for the life of me figure out why my door won't close.. it will pull to but won't latch or lock... AND it's snowing and windy and cold outside... I about had a melt down... I did EVERYTHING.. I checked the hinges, for blocks in the door crease, checked the locks to make sure they were both in the unlock position.. everything and cannot figure out why the door won't close. Seriously, I screamed in frustration at one point and scared my dog... I needed a drink...

So I called my landlady and told her the situation and she said she'd see if she could get someone out to look at it. So she calls back about five minutes later and says that Hot Handyman David (my term for him, not her's) will be out when he gets off work from his real job at 9pm. So, I use the chain to lock the door and put a chair in front of it to keep it closed from the wind. Then I sit under a blankets freezing because the door is still partway open...

David gets there at 9pm and is there for a total of two minutes when he figured out what was wrong.. one of the screws on the strike plate for my deadbolt had come out 1/10 of a millimeter... and it was hitting against the metal of the deadbolt and keeping it open. So freaking simple, but I totally didn't see it. So that made me feel better... and I talked to my parents about everything and that made me feel even better.

I told my folks that I think I want to lease instead of buy, thinking they would be against that because I'd have nothing to show for it at the end. HA I was wrong.. they had been discussing the very same thing a dinner and agree with me that I should probably lease my next car. Awesome!!

The only reason I bought in the first place is because everyone (dad, Heather, Adam) convinced me that leasing was pointless because you had nothing to show for it in the end... AH.. I still have nothing to show for buying in the end except a hunk of junk I can't afford to fix because my warranty company punked out by filing for bankruptcy and the bastard company that took it over created clauses like "Any operation of the vehicle that results in further damage related to the original mechanical breakdown or failure, shall be considered negligence on your part and failure to protect the vehicle, which damage shall not be covered under the VSC." Which basically means that driving my car in for repairs voids my warranty (especially when lack of oil was the issue even if I didn't know it) -- ASSHOLES.

I didn't set out to.... They just make it so damn easy...

There are a lot of things in this world that I don't understand...

Calculus
How George W ever got elected -- twice
Why my puppy insists on shredding my stuff when she has a million and one toys...
How to replace the timing chain and camshafts in a car (and boy do i WISH I knew that one!)
Why people judge each other..
Racism...
Hate...

But I have to say that the thing I understand the absolute least is dating games.... I flat out do not understand why it is so freaking hard for men and women to talk to each other, to be honest with each other, and to flat out say what's on their mind. I don't get it. I think it's stupid. And I hate it.

Why is it that almost every time I meet a decent guy, he pursues me hardcore until I agree to go out with him and then they disappear? I just don't understand this...

I was talking to this guy.. we'd been talking for about a month... when he finally asked me out on a real date... even asked me if it was OK for him to call it a date because that stuff tends to send me running.. I said yes and then his pursuit died off..

This guy called or texted me every day for a month, then when he finally asked me out and I agreed he almost completely stopped all contact... I just don't understand.. I didn't change what I was doing... We had the date conversation... I didn't hear from him for like four days -- which was odd since for the entire month previously he texted or called me daily... so I sent him a text asking how he was, he replied readily enough but the answers were short.

Then nothing. Several more days go by and he sends me a random funny text so I respond and think all is good... then I text him later and he tells me he's busy at work -- fine. I ask him if he's still interested in hanging out -- he said yes but he was really busy right now, but swore it was true and not a blow off... then nothing for about a week and a half... I text again to say Hey -- he kind of blows me off.. nice but in an "I"m busy" kind of way.. by this time I'm fed up... don't pursue me for a month, ask me out, then blow me off completely.. I don't get it and I absolutely won't deal with it.. so I delete him from my phone... I didn't say anything to him, but decided that I'm not texting him again.. nothing. The next day he sends me a text at 2am apologizing for being a "dick" (his words not mine). I said no problem he was busy, but thanks for apologizing. His reply was "sorry i bothered you so late, sweet dreams." I asked what was up and if everything was OK, he said it was a long story but he didn't have to work the next day. I said well call me soon and we'll catch up. He replied "I will do that!"

Nothing. Not a word.. it's been a week. Now I'm no expert, but when a girl flat out tells you she likes you and would be interested in going out on a date... if you're interested, no matter how freaking busy you are, you'd find time to make some kind of contact -- even if it's a "hey I'm busy right now, but will contact you later." right?

So I just don't understand and freaking don't have the patience to try. To be perfectly honest I just don't have the patience to date.. men aren't just dumb they are absolute morons -- sorry fellas but until you're married you're a freaking moron! I just don't have the patience to put in the effort any more... in my experience it's just not worth the time and effort... the frustration and anger I get out of the experience FAR outweighs any fun or pleasure I got out of the brief interaction...

So I've decided that I'm finished.. no more dating.. I give up! Of course I give up about every six months or so.. then I get bored and lonely and think that perhaps THIS time, THIS guy will be different from the rest and won't mess with my head... at least I've learned not to get too excited about dudes any more.. Shoot.. I don't usually even tell anyone about a dude until it's made at least a month... because sure as shit the moment I do talk about a guy I'm dating -- he disappears... it's like I'm cursed... then I have to deal with questions and the sly smiles as my friends ask me about the "current" guy - only by then he's the "past moron."

I didn't set out to be a man hater... but, damn, they sure do make it easy!

ARGGGG STUPID CaR

So, I got the call from Saturn today...

Because it's apparently strange for the timing chain AND the camshafts to go at the same time - especially since it's an '04 and only has 66,000 miles on it, the warranty company has to send out an inspector to look at it before they can approve the work. Inspector wont' be out for 2-3 days, then will take him 2 days to file his report and for Saturn to hear back from them on whether they will cover it or not. So I'm without a car for a WEEK at least.

AWESOME!

Good news? Earl (Cute service manager from Saturn) said that these are parts that typically wear out -- just rarely at the same time-- and there was nothing I could have done to have caused this -- which is good.

Bad news? If the warranty wont' cover it it will cost me $925.

This is why I hate owning things... I have a heck of a lot better stuff I could spend $925 on... If this was a leased car, it wouldn't cost me anything...

FREAKIN CAR...

So, more car issues...

This is why I hate owning things... one of the reasons I refuse to buy a house.. something goes wrong with my place now and my land lord pays for it.. NOT ME (note: I'm CHEAP)

So, last night Jess and I were running some errands and when we left her place we notice my car making kind of a clicking/knocking sound. Wasn't too bad so we didn't pay close attention. Then we got on the highway and my car wasn't accelerating right.. weird, but we had to go to one place so we went, but when we got back into the car the sound was worse and I started to worry. So I took Jess home and headed back to my place... The longer the drive the worse the car sounded. By the time I was three blocks from home the car was making a high pitched squeal sound alternating with the knocking/clicking sound, the motor was grumbling and spitting like it wanted to die at stop lights, and it wouldn't accelerate hardly at all... AND I had plans to head to my folks today for my mom and sister's birthday. CRAP.

So i got up this morning and called the dealership. Being the awesome service department that they are, they told me to bring it in and they'd look at it right away. So i took it in and left it. Jess picked me up and we rand some errands. (I dropped it off at 11:30am). They told me they would call me when they knew something. By 3pm I hadn't heard anything so I called them to see what was going on. They said they have to replace my timing chain and both left and right camshafts and that they wanted to keep it to make sure that was what was causing all of the issues. AND since it was Saturday, my warranty company wasn't open so they weren't sure if it was going to be covered in by my warranty or not. SOOO I don't get my car back until Monday or Tuesday... ARG!!!

So, luckily Jess is one of the best friends a girl could have -- she offered to go with me to my folks so we could take her car and I didn't have to miss mom and Heather's birthday dinner on Sunday -- especially since we don't have to work on Monday! YAY!!

When I got home I looked up the parts online and figure that parts alone will cost a MINIMUM of $500... but when I was reading about the parts, I'm fairly certain they ARE covered on my warranty -- since I bought the extended, 10yr/100,000 mile one -- bumper to bumper power train. But cross your fingers anyway JUST IN CASE!!

Who was I...?

So I recently became "friends" with a bunch of people from high school who I haven't talked to in years. Some of them I haven't even talked to since we graduated, but facebook does that -- brings everyone back together.

Some of these people bring back some fond memories.. others some not so fond memories.. and still others some downright shameful memories...

It makes me wonder -- who was I in high school? What did people think of me? Not that it concerns me overly much because as far as I can tell I'm a completely different person than I was then, but I am curious. I had two, maybe three really close friends back then, but a lot of people that I spent time with however I can't remember what we did or why I was friends with any of them... I sure hated myself enough back then to not really notice what people thought of me or how they actually treated me... was I a good person or a bad person? I remember more of the bad things than the good things, but they made more impact... I remember being afraid of being picked on or being made fun of, but I don't actually remember anyone picking on me or making fun of me in high school... I remember some of that from middle school, but I don't remember it from high school...

It's interesting to look back at how our perceptions of the world and ourselves have changed over time.

Inappropriate Laughter...

So I kind of got myself into some trouble today... not really trouble, but it was something of an issue.

They had a memorial service at the University for JD, one of our RAs who recently died of cancer -- and he also happens to be my 2nd cousin. When I first got to ISU I had no idea who he was, but he was the first RA I met on campus and he helped me a lot with my first training and learning about the students here. He was an amazing guy who touched a lot of people and inspired so many. Then my folks told me that my mom's cousin, Jeff, had a son who was an RA -- I immediately knew it was JD because once I thought about it, he looks like a Miller and has the height.

Anyway, so I don't deal well with strong emotions -- especially grief. which is strange considering the amount that I've experienced in my 31 years -- most of it before I was 18. That could be the issue.. maybe I never learned how to express it properly so I just suppress it.. When I was younger my sister and I would deal with the thousands of funerals we went to (ok it wasn't thousands but it sure felt like it at the time) by joking around. We would sit in back and make jokes to make each other laugh so neither of us had to deal with what was going on around us. I guess that's my fall back and what I do now.

So, I was told that this memorial was going to be a celebration of life, not a sad memorial.

They lied. It was sad. how could it not be? Of course, they could have made it less sad, but anyway. They had people up talking about what a wonderful guy JD was and I was tearing up.. which I guess I should mention that since I was about 5, crying in public FREAKS ME OUT and I typically leave if I feel myself tearing up no matter what the situation. Except in this thing I can't leave so here I am, tearing up.. hoping no one notices... and starting to have a mini panic attack at the though of crying in public. (Am I messed up or WHAT?!) So they have this lady sing Amazing Grace. Now, there are two songs at a funeral that I absolutely cannot listen to, the first is Taps and the second is Amazing Grace... so now I'm kind of falling into a mini hysteria mode with the tears and trying to do all I can to hold them back and not break down like a maniac in the middle of this memorial -- AT MY WORK with my boss and the PRESIDENT of the university sitting directly in front of me.

So my brain shuts down... I can feel the room fading out and in it's place is the stand up routine of Eddie Izzard and he's talking doing his shtick that anyone can sing opera, all they need to do is sing a note and shake the microphone -- then the room rushes back to me and I can hear his voice in my head about shaking the microphone and can hear the woman singing -- and it sounds just like Eddie Izzard singing the note while shaking the microphone. I let out a startled giggle.. and then i can't stop. It's either giggle or sob hysterically-- of course I giggled.. huge, almost soundless giggles.. the kind that make my face all red, and my entire body shake... and I can't make them stop. I know I sound disrespectful. I know people are going to be pissed. And I still can't stop. they are silent by now, but I'm shaking like a leaf and I'm thinking (God, I hope they think I'm crying not laughing.. what a nightmare) but I still can't stop the laughing. Every time I thought I had it under control I'd hear Eddie Izzards voice in my head about just shaking the mic and I'd lose it again... Finally, I got it back under control...

Then they played a slide show and I almost lost it again.. this time to the sobbing...

I need to stop going to memorial services... I can't deal with them.

So, I know I was unforgivably rude, though I will never say disrespectful because I would never EVER disrespect JDs memory -- and I know he would totally understand and would have laughed too if he heard what was going on in my head. So, I posted a facebook status about everyone grieving in different ways... in my head, it was an apology for my behavior and asking people to forgive me for the laughing and realize that it was not meant in disrespect...

A friend of mine thought I was attacking him because apparently he made a comment about my laughing... So I sent him an explanation.. and decided that I needed to blog about it as well...

I feel kind of bad about it, because people thought I was being disrespectful, but on the other hand I don't feel bad at all because I was coping the only way I know how and I can't feel bad about that...

We all grieve in different ways.. some of us cry for a live lost too young, and other's celebrate a life lived well with laughter... some grieve for a day and other's for a lifetime.. it's different for each person

That was my facebook status.. and I'm not changing it.. because the meaning and intent behind it still stand.. even if my friend felt it was aimed at him -- it wasn't.

Presenting...

So, I gave five, 1-hour presentations yesterday.

It never ceases to amaze me how tired I am at the end of days that I do a lot of presenting. I can be all over the place and be fine, but talking for five hours straight almost kills me.

Not that I don't LOVE doing it. I presented on How to Have Difficult Conversations and I have to say -- it was a pretty good presentation. The learners seemed interested and were engaged in the session so that's got to be good. I did have a 2nd year staff member tell me that of all of the training sessions she has been to this one was her favorite and she learned so much.

Not to toot my own horn, but... toot toot!!

I'm just sayin...

Anyway, the presentation was based off of a couple of books I've read, but my favorite is simply called "Difficult Conversations" and is amazing. Everyone should be REQUIRED to read this book -- it just makes sense.

I have to say, I'm pretty proud of this one!! :)

A special place in Hell...

So, my last post was about becoming the alpha dog to my puppy. If you read you'll probably realize that I don't really believe in hitting dogs. They don't understand it and it has no meaning in their world other than it hurts and makes the human seem like a bully. The dog learns, but there are better ways. So I pin my puppy on her back to show her who is boss. With patience she is learning. I've had this belief for a long time, but it was reinforced this weekend.

My parents rescued two Maltese mix dogs from the humane society a few months ago. A girl Molly who is 7 and a boy Dixon who is 4. Both of them cling to my mom like she is their world and both are hesitant to go to anyone else -- even my dad. Molly is cute, but Dixon is so freaking adorable I just want to hug him all the time. He looks like a cross between Gizmo (from the Grimlins) and an Ewok (from star wars). We suspect that they've been abused, but have no facts. When my folks got them they had been dropped off at the pound about three days earlier -- supposedly the product of a divorce. they were dirty and matted so they had clearly been neglected. It was so sad.

I have a puppy (see all earlier posts) and when she met Molly and Dixon she wanted to play with them. However, they do not want to play with her so she taunts them to try to get them to chase her. It's really cute and funny, but gets annoying. Especially because she does not know when to stop.

On New Years eve I saw the absolute saddest thing I have ever seen in my life. Sassy was tormenting Dixon and Molly again and my dad got frustrated and slapped a fly swatter down on a table really hard to startle her and yelled at her. he wasn't close to her and didn't try to hit anyone -- it was completely harmless, but when he did that, Dixon dropped to the ground, covered his head with his little paws, and started shaking like a leaf. I wanted to cry. My Dad immediately went over to him and he cowered even more.. dad picked him up and I swear I've never seen a dog shudder so hard... dad took him into the other room and just cuddled and petted him until he calmed down. It was sooo sad. It was very clear that he had been beaten before.. he reacted just like a human does when they are used to being hit.. covered his head and cowered... we were all almost in tears at the knowledge that he had been abused... poor little guy!

He did calm down and realized that dad wasn't going to hit him-- would never hit him...

Needless to say they've put away all fly swatters and little Dixon is currently, probably, the best fed dog in the state.. :)

There is a special Hell for people who abuse helpless animals.... I hope whomever did that to Dixon gets it back 10X...