Sometimes you just have to have the stuff you want!!

So, as I've stated in earlier posts, I've been working on changing my relationship with food.  I used to think it was hokey when people said things like "It's a lifestyle change."  It's not so much a "lifestyle" change for me as it is changing my relationship with food.  I'm from a typical mid-western family, where we turn to food when things aren't going well.  Unfortunately, I had a period growing up where a lot of things didn't go so well -- as I told my parents -- a lot of adult things happened in my life when I was just a kid.  My sister and I were kind of forced to grow up somewhat fast.  I'm not complaining and I would never say it was something that "happened to us" because I'm not a victim of anything other than science and poor eating habits.  One I had no control over and the other I used to make up for the lack of control. 

Anyway, I've always been against weight loss because I've always said "People should just F*$king accept me the way that I am!"  that was the angry me talking.  Then I realized that I was really angry at myself and to be honest -- as a fat person -- there were a lot of people telling me that I SHOULD hate myself, and for a long time I did.  I stopped hating myself several years ago, but I was still angry at myself.  Angry that I had let myself get so fat.  Angry that I seemed to have zero willpower to lose weight.

That's when I realized:  I am not the same person today as I was yesterday.  I'm DEFINITELY not the same person I was sixteen years ago -- it was THAT person who started down a path of food destruction -- not who I am now.  And the truth is -- you can't be mad at yourself for something you did when you were fifteen??!!  That's absurd!! It's like staying angry at yourself your entire life because you broke your leg once.  Do you remember yourself when you were fifteen??  You were, as I was, a MORON.  ALL FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS ARE MORONS!!  So I forgave myself for being fat and I stopped listening to a world that tells me that I'm not good enough because I'm fat (The diet industry spends BILLIONS of dollars a year to convince us we aren't good enough the way we are).  I realized that I AM good enough and that since I AM good enough it's time to think about my future -- which is considerably shorter unless I lose weight.

I don't have any health issues.  My blood sugar is on the low side of normal, my cholesterol is normal, my blood pressure is normal... but they won't stay that way.  So in January I asked my Doctor for help.  She is AMAZING and is an awesome cheerleader.  I think she is more excited when I lose weight than I am.  She recommended that I see a nutritionist.  I recommend that EVERYONE see a nutritionist.  He taught me how food works in my body and how the body uses and stores food.  Armed with that complete knowledge (and not just the vague knowledge of "whole wheat is healthier" or "Limit your calorie intake") it makes it SO MUCH easier to stay focused on eating the right thing.  The other thing I like about him is that he said -- "I'm not going to tell you not to eat something.  If you want it, you're an adult.  Eat it, but don't ONLY eat that."

Which completely set me free.  I can still have everything I LOVE, BUT now that I know how it works in my body I know how to balance it with healthier things.  For instance if I'm eating something fatty I start with a LARGE salad or finish with fat free yogurt and fresh berries.  The doctor told me to avoid grapes and pineapple because they have a large sugar content, but berries are good as is any fruit you peel.

Yes I eat salad.  By reading the "Eat This Not That" books I found different types of lettuce that I do like.  I still refuse to eat iceberg lettuce.  It has zero nutritional value, thus NO POINT (and it makes me unreasonably angry when it gets included on my plate somehow).  I like arugula, romaine, spinach.  I like to have a little bit of blue cheese in my salad.  And lite salad dressing (don't get low fat it's AWFUL -- the 70 calories are worth it).  Oh!  And tomatoes, I LOVE tomatoes!! 

I hope my family is sitting down for this next announcement -- I've only had mashed potatoes once since January.   And they were loaded with cheese and bacon.  It's delicious -- sue me ! :) 

I can't seem to kick my nacho habit.. so we go to the Mexican joint at least once a month to satisfy that craving.

I can't give up cheese.  On sandwiches I don't mind fat free cheeses (the Kraft Fat Free Swiss and American slices are both good) however in anything else I use the real thing.

It's all in balance.  I've increased my vegetable consumption by about 200%.  I'm even trying vegetables we never ate growing up -- broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts.  (We only had raw broccoli and cauliflower on veggie trays at holidays and NEVER brussel sprouts)

I'm also taking a multivitamin daily along with omega 3 fatty acids at each meal (as per my nutritionist) and a supplement called cholestoff (1 gram with any meal containing animal protein).   And I'm supposed to ride a recumbent stationary bike for 30 - 45 minutes a week (Started at 15 minutes and worked up) but I still find the exercise hard to do because life is so busy I have to get up at 5:30 am to have time to do it and I just love to sleep!!  But I'm working on it.


I've noticed that I've turned in to that person who always wants to talk about my weight loss journey and want to share what I've learned about food with anyone willing to listen.  It's not just that it helps me lose weight and stay focused.. I'm geeked about learning new stuff and sharing it with others because it's not anything they teach in schools AND THEY SHOULD!!!

Another way I stay motivated is by cooking, taking pictures of it, and posting it here.  I'm really proud when I learn to cook new healthier things.  It's geeky, but I like it.   I've discovered ground turkey and ground chicken.  Love ground chicken burgers they are DELICIOUS!!***(See note at bottom)

Anyway, today was one of those days that I was craving something not so healthy.  Mac N Cheese.  So, I made Mac N Cheese -- but with Whole Wheat Penne instead of regular.  It's a small change but a big deal.  Change everything you possibly can to WHOLE WHEAT.. not multi grain, but WHOLE WHEAT.  It is better for your blood sugar and acts as a timed release of sugars into your blood stream instead of dumping all the sugars into your system at once (all carbs are turned to sugar in your large intestines and then released into your blood stream from there).

Anyway, below is the Mac N Cheese I made today.  I tried to go somewhat gourmet with it and used six different cheeses.  It was pretty freaking delicious!!

Here's what I used.  Whole Wheat Penne pasta, smoked cheddar, rotisserie chicken from the deli, the new Philadelphia stir in cream cheese (Garlic), sun-dried tomatoes, goat cheese (basil/sun dried tomato and garlic/herb), Parmesan  and monterey jack cheese.  I also tossed in some frozen peas (not pictured).

A note on peas -- they are a starch as is corn.  Mid-westerns need to stop serving them with mashed potatoes and noodles -- it's so starchy it's a wonder we aren't all diabetic (and probably one of the reasons so many of us are). 

Put a pot of water on to boil.

When the water is boiling, add the penne and salt.  Don't add the salt before it's boiling because it's for flavor.  I know, mom (and your science teacher) always told you to salt water to help it boil faster, but it's pointless for the time it shaves off.  You don't want to have to salt your dish later, so salt the pasta water when you add the pasta and it flavors the pasta without too much added salt later.

Another note:  ALWAYS TASTE YOUR FOOD BEFORE YOU SALT IT.  Pepper it all you want, though some cooks are insulted by peppering it before you try it.

Grate the cheese.  Pre-shredded is convenient, but they don't pre-shred smoked cheddar besides all the cooking shows tell you to buy it in blocks and grate it yourself for a better flavor.

Dice the sun dried tomatoes.

When the pasta is done, reserve about half a cup of the cooking liquid.

Here are the cheeses you are using.

I added about half the container of the cream cheese, I coarsely chopped the chicken, tossed in the sun-dried tomatoes and about a cup of peas.

Then I added a small amount of each of the goat cheeses.

After stirring, it needed a bit of loosening up so I added about 1/4 cup of the pasta cooking water.

I then tossed in the rest of the cheese, gave it a brief stir and transferred it to a baking dish.  I put it in the oven at 450 degrees for about 20 minutes.  Then I upped the temp to broil for about three minutes to brown it a bit.  Really what you're trying to do is heat it through, melt the cheese, and brown the top a bit.

It came out looking like this -- YUMMY!!

It was AMAZING!!! 


It wasn't healthy -- other than the whole wheat pasta. :)  but I had a salad with it and have left overs for lunch tomorrow.


Again, eat what you want, but balance it and don't eat it ALL the time.


Happy Eating!!


NOTE:  I published this and then re-read it and realized I forgot an important part.  Since January I've lost 23 lbs.  I thought I'd said that earlier, but apparently not.  That is a huge amount to a skinny person, but in my world it's a drop in the pan, but at least it's a start right?!!  I'm pretty damn proud of those 23 lbs!!! 

(It could have been more if I didn't have to have my nachos -- oh and EASTER CANDY is killing me.. I just cannot resist Starburst jelly beans or Cadbury Eggs!!)